how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
