Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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