shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
