Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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