I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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