Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am available for nakedness
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
