It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize