threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
