I wanna passion pit in your ass
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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