I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
