just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize