There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
