I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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