mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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