Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
