We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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