Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
