hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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