I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
