I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
