she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
