dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
