were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
