I heard we made out
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
