Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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