im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
