i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
