I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
