I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I deserve this hangover.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
