we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
