peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
