and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Can I color on your dick again?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
