what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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