If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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