It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
