I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
