I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
