Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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