You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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