90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize