First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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