Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize