im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
