Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
