He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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