I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
