Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
