I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
