You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
