called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
