i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
