nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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