I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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