I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
