11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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