So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
