Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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