I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
