I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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