I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
