I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
