My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
