i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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