...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
