Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
