I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
