If that was your dad, he is hot
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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