my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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