I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
