i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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