This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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