You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
