i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
