i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
