Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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