Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just threw up on my dentist
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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