dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
