hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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