Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
