Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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