a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
