there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
