I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
