oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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