fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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