K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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