I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
