i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
